November 11th: Emotions Run High
Manuel is sitting on the couch when I get home at eleven, staring into the dark. I reach over and switch on the lamp.
He looks up at me. “Where were you?”
“Sorry,” I say, shrugging off my coat. “Hospital.”
His eyes widen. “You’re okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. Couple of friends got... Into a fight. Not with each other.” I sigh. “Messy business.”
“Alice?”
“Nah.” I shake my head. “Tyler and Garrett – the guy who you talked to, awhile ago?”
His eyebrows lower. “Are they okay?”
“Ty’s just got a busted lip and one hell of a black eye. He’ll be fine.”
Manny’s eyes connect with mine. “What about Garrett?”
I sigh. “He’s stable, for now. He lost a lot of blood.”
He stares at me in horror. “Blood? What happened?”
“Some guys stabbed him.”
“Shit,” Manuel exclaims.
“Yeah,” I say softly. “That’s what I thought, too.”
* * *
“Get in the car, asshole.”
Ty stares at me, his eyes bloodshot and sagging. “I’m not going today...”
“Yes you are. Get in the car.”
He sighs and climbs in. “I don’t have any of my stuff.”
“I’ll personally kick the ass of anyone who rips on you about it.” I put the car in gear and speed down the street.
“Geez,” Ty says tiredly. “Angry much?”
I shrug.
“You’re not pissed at me, are you?” He buckles his seatbelt. “I was going to tell you, man. I totally was.”
I roll my eyes and step on the gas. 70 miles per hour. “I’m pissed at everyone, right now. So yeah, I’m pissed at you. But it’s not your fault.”
“Slow down, dude,” he says gently.
I glare at him, but let up a little.
“My dad wants me out,” he says slowly. “But my mother keeps saying if he kicks me out, she’ll leave him.”
I shoot him a glance out of the corner of my eye.
Ty stares out the window silently.
“Life’s a bitch,” I say gently.
He nods. “Ain’t it the truth.”
* * *
Alice isn’t in English class. Henry looks incredibly distracted. His hair is greasy and limp and his clothes look wrinkled, like he didn’t bother to iron his pants. He manages to fumble through the lesson, but he’s not fooling anyone. Everyone is whispering about him in the halls.
I stop in after last period. He’s sitting at his desk, his head in his hands, hair wound around his fists.
“What the hell is going on?” I say in a low voice.
He looks up. “I’m surprised she didn’t tell you already.”
“Yeah. So am I. Where is she?”
Henry shrugs. “I have no idea, okay? I haven’t seen her since class yesterday. She called me last night, but that’s the last I heard from her.”
“What’s the news?”
He looks up at me, perplexed. “Thought she didn’t tell you.”
“She just said she had news, and that it was somewhat about you, but moreso about me.”
“I don’t see what it has to do with you,” he murmurs, genuinely surprised.
I roll my eyes. “Look, I don’t really care what you think. I just want to know what’s going on.”
“Go ask Alice,” he quips, shrugging and smirking. But his eyes are dead.
* * *
“You need a ride to the hospital?” I ask Ty softly.
He shakes his head. “They won’t let me see him. I’m not family.”
“Has his family shown up? What did they say?”
Ty shrugs and fiddles with the radio dial. “His mother hasn’t left the house since that thing happened, with the Brothers... And his little brother can’t drive.”
“His father?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I just... Why the hell would someone do this to him?”
“I don’t know,” I murmur. “I really don’t know.”
Ty closes his eyes. “Everything is fucked up.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “It is.”
* * *
The Knoll is empty. Again. When I see that she’s not there I think of going home... But I don’t really want to be there, either. It seems like everyone I know is facing some unbearable life trauma. And I can’t do anything, for any of them.
I bring my US History text to the grass with me and cradle it in my lap. The least I can do is study while I waste time on some abandoned field. But the words don’t make sense anymore. All the wars and rivalries and deceit. I suddenly don’t care simply that they happened -- I want to know why.
There has to be an explanation. Why someone would rather kill himself than be a father. Why a mother would watch another woman raise her son and never tell him the truth. Why a thirteen year old kid with everything he ever wanted would join a gang. Why people would attack others just for holding hands in a public place. Why a father would threaten to kick his only son out of the family home for wanting to kiss boys instead of girls. Why a girl would lie to her best friend, or date her teacher, or keep secrets from them both.
“Nothing makes sense,” I say, to noone, and to everyone, and mostly to myself.
The bitter wind laughs at me as it whistles through the overgrown blades.
* * *
“Alice?” I bang on her door with my fist. “Alice, open up.”
Her mother shakes her head at me from down the hall. “She doesn’t want to see you,” she says disapprovingly, her hand over the receiver, still listening attentively to some business call. It seems like Mrs. Creevy always has a business call.
“Alice, come on,” I plead. “Look, we don’t have to talk about you, okay? Whatever you have to tell me... It can wait, alright? I have something to tell you.”
I hear movement, and then the door creaks slowly open. Alice stares at me, red-eyed. She reeks of cigarettes and stale whiskey. “In.”
I shut the door quietly behind me. “Okay. I’m not going to ask.” I take a deep breath and clear my throat. “Tyler Graham and a friend of his were attacked last night outside the mall.”
“Is Ty okay?” Alice doesn’t know him too well, but well enough to be concerned.
I shrug. “Busted his lip, and he’s got one hell of a black eye. Mostly he’s just shaken up.”
“And this upsets you,” she says drily.
I sigh. “Thanks for the sympathy. Look, this is my best friend, besides you. And the guy he was with, they weren’t exactly... Just friends.”
She eyes me with interest. “Do tell.”
“Evidently they’ve been dating for what, five months? I had no clue. None.”
Alice rolls her eyes. “I know where you’re going with this.”
I raise my eyebrows.
“Why do friends keep secrets, don’t they know that you would support them no matter what.” She pulls an unmarked bottle from under her bed and takes a swig, then wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “You’re so predictable, X. Fuckin’ predictable.”
“And you’re fucking drunk, and you never drink, so what the hell is going on with you?” I reach over and grab her hand. Her fingers are bony. “You’ve got Henry all strung out. He could hardly concentrate today. What the hell aren’t you telling me?”
She shakes her head and pulls her hand away. “None of your fucking business.”
“Yesterday you said that...”
“Forget what I said yesterday.” She drains the bottle of what’s left and throws it to the ground. “Yesterday I was being retarded. Right now I’m thinking clearly. And this has nothing to do with you. Go away.”
I stare at her. “Alice, anything that has to do with you has to do with me.”
She laughs. “Yeah, cos we are just such great buddies, X! Let’s hold hands and sing songs and eat ice cream or something.” She stands up and sways, then sits back down. “Yeah, maybe we used to be friends, like, two billion years ago. Now? You hang around me because you want to get in my pants, and I hang around you because I feel sorry for you.”
I stare at her.
“Yeah, like you didn’t fuckin’ know that.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her lighter. “Asshole. You want to know what’s wrong with me? I’m what’s wrong with me.” She toys with it, staring at the flame. “I am fuckin’ screwed up, man.” She chuckles. “Just fuckin’ fucked.”
“Alice...” I say gently.
“You wanna be a hero, Xavier? You wanna get your name in the paper?” She pockets the lighter and laughs. “You think I’m somebody needs to be all saved and shit? Fuckin’ retard.”
I shake my head.
“You’re not helpin’ anybody, you fuckin’ jackass. You just have to get your head stuck in everybody’s fuckin’ asshole, know everybody’s fuckin’ business.” She rolls her eyes. “But you just keep fuckin’ everybody up, more and more, and someday we’re all gonna hate you for it.”
I stand up. “Why the hell are you doing this to me?!”
“Shut the fuck up,” she challenges me, shaking her head.
“Alice, all I’ve ever tried to do was help you, and support you, and treat you right, and all you’ve ever done to me is manipulate and lie to me and walk all over me! You want to talk about fucking screwed up? That is fucking screwed up. Maybe I get over involved, god forbid, god forbid I care about other people, god forbid I actually love other people.” I storm toward the door. “You don’t even know what that means, because all you ever think about is how you can make life better for you. You spend all your time watching out for Alice and don’t bother watching out for anybody else!”
“Who the hell else is going to watch out for me?” she screams.
I slam the door in her face.
Her mother gives me an amused look, still leaning against the wall. “Told you she didn’t want to see you.”
I flip her the bird as I race down the stairs.
He looks up at me. “Where were you?”
“Sorry,” I say, shrugging off my coat. “Hospital.”
His eyes widen. “You’re okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. Couple of friends got... Into a fight. Not with each other.” I sigh. “Messy business.”
“Alice?”
“Nah.” I shake my head. “Tyler and Garrett – the guy who you talked to, awhile ago?”
His eyebrows lower. “Are they okay?”
“Ty’s just got a busted lip and one hell of a black eye. He’ll be fine.”
Manny’s eyes connect with mine. “What about Garrett?”
I sigh. “He’s stable, for now. He lost a lot of blood.”
He stares at me in horror. “Blood? What happened?”
“Some guys stabbed him.”
“Shit,” Manuel exclaims.
“Yeah,” I say softly. “That’s what I thought, too.”
“Get in the car, asshole.”
Ty stares at me, his eyes bloodshot and sagging. “I’m not going today...”
“Yes you are. Get in the car.”
He sighs and climbs in. “I don’t have any of my stuff.”
“I’ll personally kick the ass of anyone who rips on you about it.” I put the car in gear and speed down the street.
“Geez,” Ty says tiredly. “Angry much?”
I shrug.
“You’re not pissed at me, are you?” He buckles his seatbelt. “I was going to tell you, man. I totally was.”
I roll my eyes and step on the gas. 70 miles per hour. “I’m pissed at everyone, right now. So yeah, I’m pissed at you. But it’s not your fault.”
“Slow down, dude,” he says gently.
I glare at him, but let up a little.
“My dad wants me out,” he says slowly. “But my mother keeps saying if he kicks me out, she’ll leave him.”
I shoot him a glance out of the corner of my eye.
Ty stares out the window silently.
“Life’s a bitch,” I say gently.
He nods. “Ain’t it the truth.”
Alice isn’t in English class. Henry looks incredibly distracted. His hair is greasy and limp and his clothes look wrinkled, like he didn’t bother to iron his pants. He manages to fumble through the lesson, but he’s not fooling anyone. Everyone is whispering about him in the halls.
I stop in after last period. He’s sitting at his desk, his head in his hands, hair wound around his fists.
“What the hell is going on?” I say in a low voice.
He looks up. “I’m surprised she didn’t tell you already.”
“Yeah. So am I. Where is she?”
Henry shrugs. “I have no idea, okay? I haven’t seen her since class yesterday. She called me last night, but that’s the last I heard from her.”
“What’s the news?”
He looks up at me, perplexed. “Thought she didn’t tell you.”
“She just said she had news, and that it was somewhat about you, but moreso about me.”
“I don’t see what it has to do with you,” he murmurs, genuinely surprised.
I roll my eyes. “Look, I don’t really care what you think. I just want to know what’s going on.”
“Go ask Alice,” he quips, shrugging and smirking. But his eyes are dead.
“You need a ride to the hospital?” I ask Ty softly.
He shakes his head. “They won’t let me see him. I’m not family.”
“Has his family shown up? What did they say?”
Ty shrugs and fiddles with the radio dial. “His mother hasn’t left the house since that thing happened, with the Brothers... And his little brother can’t drive.”
“His father?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I just... Why the hell would someone do this to him?”
“I don’t know,” I murmur. “I really don’t know.”
Ty closes his eyes. “Everything is fucked up.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “It is.”
The Knoll is empty. Again. When I see that she’s not there I think of going home... But I don’t really want to be there, either. It seems like everyone I know is facing some unbearable life trauma. And I can’t do anything, for any of them.
I bring my US History text to the grass with me and cradle it in my lap. The least I can do is study while I waste time on some abandoned field. But the words don’t make sense anymore. All the wars and rivalries and deceit. I suddenly don’t care simply that they happened -- I want to know why.
There has to be an explanation. Why someone would rather kill himself than be a father. Why a mother would watch another woman raise her son and never tell him the truth. Why a thirteen year old kid with everything he ever wanted would join a gang. Why people would attack others just for holding hands in a public place. Why a father would threaten to kick his only son out of the family home for wanting to kiss boys instead of girls. Why a girl would lie to her best friend, or date her teacher, or keep secrets from them both.
“Nothing makes sense,” I say, to noone, and to everyone, and mostly to myself.
The bitter wind laughs at me as it whistles through the overgrown blades.
“Alice?” I bang on her door with my fist. “Alice, open up.”
Her mother shakes her head at me from down the hall. “She doesn’t want to see you,” she says disapprovingly, her hand over the receiver, still listening attentively to some business call. It seems like Mrs. Creevy always has a business call.
“Alice, come on,” I plead. “Look, we don’t have to talk about you, okay? Whatever you have to tell me... It can wait, alright? I have something to tell you.”
I hear movement, and then the door creaks slowly open. Alice stares at me, red-eyed. She reeks of cigarettes and stale whiskey. “In.”
I shut the door quietly behind me. “Okay. I’m not going to ask.” I take a deep breath and clear my throat. “Tyler Graham and a friend of his were attacked last night outside the mall.”
“Is Ty okay?” Alice doesn’t know him too well, but well enough to be concerned.
I shrug. “Busted his lip, and he’s got one hell of a black eye. Mostly he’s just shaken up.”
“And this upsets you,” she says drily.
I sigh. “Thanks for the sympathy. Look, this is my best friend, besides you. And the guy he was with, they weren’t exactly... Just friends.”
She eyes me with interest. “Do tell.”
“Evidently they’ve been dating for what, five months? I had no clue. None.”
Alice rolls her eyes. “I know where you’re going with this.”
I raise my eyebrows.
“Why do friends keep secrets, don’t they know that you would support them no matter what.” She pulls an unmarked bottle from under her bed and takes a swig, then wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “You’re so predictable, X. Fuckin’ predictable.”
“And you’re fucking drunk, and you never drink, so what the hell is going on with you?” I reach over and grab her hand. Her fingers are bony. “You’ve got Henry all strung out. He could hardly concentrate today. What the hell aren’t you telling me?”
She shakes her head and pulls her hand away. “None of your fucking business.”
“Yesterday you said that...”
“Forget what I said yesterday.” She drains the bottle of what’s left and throws it to the ground. “Yesterday I was being retarded. Right now I’m thinking clearly. And this has nothing to do with you. Go away.”
I stare at her. “Alice, anything that has to do with you has to do with me.”
She laughs. “Yeah, cos we are just such great buddies, X! Let’s hold hands and sing songs and eat ice cream or something.” She stands up and sways, then sits back down. “Yeah, maybe we used to be friends, like, two billion years ago. Now? You hang around me because you want to get in my pants, and I hang around you because I feel sorry for you.”
I stare at her.
“Yeah, like you didn’t fuckin’ know that.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her lighter. “Asshole. You want to know what’s wrong with me? I’m what’s wrong with me.” She toys with it, staring at the flame. “I am fuckin’ screwed up, man.” She chuckles. “Just fuckin’ fucked.”
“Alice...” I say gently.
“You wanna be a hero, Xavier? You wanna get your name in the paper?” She pockets the lighter and laughs. “You think I’m somebody needs to be all saved and shit? Fuckin’ retard.”
I shake my head.
“You’re not helpin’ anybody, you fuckin’ jackass. You just have to get your head stuck in everybody’s fuckin’ asshole, know everybody’s fuckin’ business.” She rolls her eyes. “But you just keep fuckin’ everybody up, more and more, and someday we’re all gonna hate you for it.”
I stand up. “Why the hell are you doing this to me?!”
“Shut the fuck up,” she challenges me, shaking her head.
“Alice, all I’ve ever tried to do was help you, and support you, and treat you right, and all you’ve ever done to me is manipulate and lie to me and walk all over me! You want to talk about fucking screwed up? That is fucking screwed up. Maybe I get over involved, god forbid, god forbid I care about other people, god forbid I actually love other people.” I storm toward the door. “You don’t even know what that means, because all you ever think about is how you can make life better for you. You spend all your time watching out for Alice and don’t bother watching out for anybody else!”
“Who the hell else is going to watch out for me?” she screams.
I slam the door in her face.
Her mother gives me an amused look, still leaning against the wall. “Told you she didn’t want to see you.”
I flip her the bird as I race down the stairs.
posted by Angel at 10:55 PM
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